Category Archives: Rants

EASTER Public Service Announcement!

This is not, I repeat … NOT the Easter Bunny.

That being the case, he has asked me to make the following request:

Do not make images of him out of chocolate substances – dark, milk, or white (which, as we all know, is really not chocolate anyway!)

He is a living being, and requests that you treat him as such!

 

Also—this is NOT a peep . . . nor is it made of marshmallow! See where I’m going with this?

(And whatever you do … do not place it in the microwave to see if it will explode!)

Have a Happy and Kind Easter, folks!

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YIN AND YANG

When you look at your children (if you happen to have some), you see beginnings and wonder about their future. They are your sun.

 

When your children look at you (again, if you happen to have some), they see endings and wonder about your past. You are their moon.

 

Your children will make you crazy over and over again…

That’s their job.

It’s paybacks for all the crazy you put your own parents through.

 

You will make your children crazy over and over again…

That’s your job.

It’s your earned privilege for reaching old age without having killed them when they made you nuts.

 

Hopefully, whether we see beginnings or endings, we will all do it with love in our hearts…and not hurt each other along the way. Know that we all need the sun for its warmth, and the moon to light our way in the darkness.

 

THE BODIES ARE PILING UP!

It’s January, and the dead bodies are piling up.

The murders began at the end of November and continued through December.

Some of the murders were done by hired killers out in the countryside. Others were committed by dedicated dads and moms in the suburbs  to please their offspring. Still others were carried out by well intentioned young men  from the city to impress their girlfriend or new bride.

These brutalities were accomplished with chainsaws, axes, hatchets, or other sharp-edged implements — in broad daylight!

No one reported hearing any screams. When interviewed, folks reported the victim was very quiet, never caused any trouble, and kept to themselves. Then, the witness would slam their door shut to prevent reporters from peering into their own homes.

Why? What were they hiding? Did they commit one of these atrocities themselves? Was there a path of evidence strewn across their living room floor leading to the front door? And what was that scattering of brownish-green specks trailing to the curb?

Yes. Christmas is over, and the dead bodies of blue spruce, balsam pine, and every species of fir tree are piling up outside of homes across America.

We chop them down. Drag them in. Argue over the best side to face ‘out’ avoiding the obvious hole Mother Nature laughingly placed in the most inconvenient spot. Adorn them with ornaments that refuse to hang straight and lights that never fail to blink out in one section just when we think we’re all done. Water them when we manage to remember. Declare them to be the most beautiful Christmas tree we’ve ever had. Demand family and friends pose in front of them for photos. Become one with our vacuum cleaner for the duration of the holidays.

Then . . . when the New Year celebrations end, we strip our victims of their colorful decorations, curse their falling needles poking up through our carpets, and drag them to the curb. No remorse. No fond farewell. No looking back. Good riddance.

A simple promise passing our lips: “No live tree ever again.”

 

Until next year comes, and the killing begins again.

WEEPING LIKE A WILLOW

Hello. My name is Linda…and I’m a tree hugger.

They (whoever ‘they’ are) say that in order to recover, you must first admit you have a problem.

My problem is: I want to cry every time I hear the buzz of a chain saw ripping into an innocent tree.

I know. I know…it is not safe to ignore trees who may appear lovely from the exterior, but whose interior may be full of rot, and therefore a danger, if Mother Nature decides to kick up a storm.

But, surely there is a gentler way to bid farewell to a natural wonder which has given years of shade from a sweltering sun, whose roots gripped the earth and held erosion at bay, and whose branches were home to a variety of birds. If squirrels could speak (our language), I’m sure they would beg that their playground not be destroyed in such a violent way.

And yet, I hear the grinding, buzzing, ripping taking place down the street, and I find myself once again, tearing up over the tearing down.

All at once, I am reminded of one of the advantages of living in a town designated as:

“Tree City USA”

. . . a new sapling will be put in its place very soon.

To everything there is a season.

True for trees.

True for humanity.

Now, go hug a tree while you can.

 

SILENCE IS NOT GOLDEN!

I recently read a “writer’s advice” column telling authors to avoid political posts if they want to increase their book sales.

I disagree!

This is how whole populations are silenced.

Those of us who write, have a responsibility to speak up loud and clear for those whose voices are whispers.

If writers shy away from expressing their views, they are capitulating to those in power, who happily quash any questioning of their authority, action or inaction.

Throughout history, writers have been at the forefront of free speech. If we stay on the side-lines, in order to make a profit, we do a disservice to not just our own readers, but to our society in general.

 

Your thoughts?

PARDON ME, MADAM AND/OR SIR . . . BUT, I HAVE A QUESTION!

Bull dog resized - two

I’m curious — how many of you, Dear Readers, pay attention to the political news of the day?

Are you too busy with your day-to-day life maintenance activities to care what is going on in the rest of the world?

Do you think politicians are all crooked, so what’s the point?

Do you think you can’t do anything that would make a difference?

 

Well! Have I got news for you! It’s my handy-dandy guide to changing your world — and it’s free! That’s right! No need to spend your hard-earned cash! No shipping and handling fees! Nothing! Nada! Zip! Zero!

 

It’s right here in beautiful technicolor, for anyone to enjoy!

 

Handy-Dandy Guide to Changing the World:

V-O-T-E!

That’s right, folks . . . Vote . . . each and every time you get the chance!

Cast your ballot right in your own neighborhood – 

And it’s FREE!♥

Who’s in charge now, folks?

YOU, that’s who! Feel the power!

 

This has been an unpaid Public Service Announcement, sponsored by the writer of this post.

PIE IN THE SKY

Have you ever felt like too many people have their fingers in your pie?

All licking your vitality off their palms as it runs down to their wrists.  They don’t stop to ask permission. They just dip into your allotted 24 hours and sop a bit up for themselves.

Of course, they don’t realize the damage they’re doing. It’s certainly not a group effort.

They are each snatching a crumb of your time without thinking very much about the cumulative affect upon you.

 

The question is this: Where do you draw the line?

 

Before the last slice?

The last bit of fruit?

The last crumb?

THE QUEEN AND I HAVE A YULETIDE MESSAGE FOR YOU!

STAY CALM, and:

Finish shopping for your family, and 75 of your closest friends and colleagues, making sure you stay under that $200 limit you set for yourself this year;

Bake 500 dozen cookies that are so special no one has ever eaten them before;

Decorate at least three trees of varying size for inside your house with different themes, one of which must be woodland creatures;

Check batteries on all those “safe” candles you now own, so the cats and dogs, and babies don’t set themselves on fire;

Add one more string of lights outside, so TV station satellites can pick out the glow of your home from space;

Cook every kind of meat that exists so everyone (including that Uncle we all have) enjoys Christmas dinner;

Cook every vegan dish you can think of so the two people you know who are vegan don’t starve;

Watch all twenty gazillion Christmas movies in one weekend while you . . .sing along to every Carol that was ever written;

Send out at least two thousand Christmas/holiday cards to remind everyone you’ve ever met in your life that you are still alive;

And, most importantly — make sure the liquor cabinet is well-stocked, so you can accomplish all of the above!

Enjoy the holidays . . . and try not to hurt anyone.

From our castle to yours … MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

OKAY…OKAY…I’M UP, FOR GOD’S SAKE!

The rumbling and swooshing and screeching woke me long before the alarm clock sounded.

 

Did a freight train jump the tracks? Was there a terrorist attack? A horrible traffic accident?

 

In a stumbling, drunken-like stupor, I made my way to the open bedroom window to discover the source of the fearsome cacophony . . . It sounded like a thousand needles prickling the predawn sky.

Standing there in the cool darkness, I realized, as the latest gush surrounded me and pushed past — The last of the brown, crumbling, dead leaves were being hurled and smashed to smithereens against any barrier standing in their way by . . . 

 

Mother Nature, blowing Autumn off and making way for the entrance of Winter!

 

(I understand she has an important job to do . . . but, couldn’t the bitch have waited until after the alarm went off? Geez.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IN GOD? WE TRUST

Frame of Mind series. Composition of human face wire-frame and fractal elements with metaphorical relationship to mind reason thought mental powers and mystic consciousness

I recently hit upon the idea that God (my god, your god, the force, whatever name you give universal truth) brings enlightenment through science…

Consider all of the changes in thinking that have occurred because of scientific discovery, and all the damage done through science denial.

We humans have the capacity to reason. This is a powerful gift which has continued to expand throughout the history of humankind. One brick of knowledge upon another, and then another, ad infinitum.

To my mind, to deny science is to deny “universal truth”/God.

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